House For Sale....Well, Not Yet

If you've never sold a house then you don't know how much work it really is. For the lucky few who have no children or animals and keep their houses in amazing condition (I repeat no children and no pets and more than likely a house cleaner) selling is not a daunting task.  If you have children and / or pets, you know that your house is more often than not in a condition that you would not want strangers, or even friends, to see. I have 4 dogs who live in the main part of the house, two bunnies who live in one bedroom and two teenagers who live mainly in their rooms. I know that my house is not ready for an open house this Sunday.

Overwhelmed would be a mild way of saying what I feel when I think about what needs to be done before we can put the For Sale sign out.  However, if we want the best price for our house then we need to put the effort into making it show well.  When a potential buyer comes through the house we want them to be amazed the minute they drive up to the house to the minute they walk through the last room. It doesn't usually take a lot of money to get a house ready to sell, if you are willing and able to do some of the work yourself. How I keep myself from crawling into my comfy bed and hoping that when I wake up the house will be in the right condition to sell is to look at the smaller picture. I focus on what needs to be done in one room instead of focusing on what needs to be done overall. Make a list of what needs to be done in each room and then start on the room that needs the least work. This will give you a sense of accomplishment.

So what do I need to do to get the house ready? How do I know what needs to be done? The main thing to do is to look at the house as though you are the buyer. When you live in a house you tend to look past a lot of things that will stick out to a stranger walking in for the first time. You may love your bear collection and think it looks cute but it's really just taking up space and making your living area look smaller. You may love cooking and have all the gadgets imaginable, however keeping them all out on your counter will make a buyer think there isn't enough counter space. In future blog posts I'll go into more detail about how to go about looking at your house as a buyer, not a seller.

The list of things that I need to do is lengthy. Some things are big, like having the kitchen updated with new counters, lighting and flooring. Other things are small, like getting the spilled paint off the front porch, but small details matter as much as the big ones. The first task I am taking on is painting. Putting a fresh coat of paint on the walls, and baseboards, doors and door frames if need be, makes a huge difference in how your house is viewed. When choosing colors, be aware of how the color will affect people. I saw a house online and their kitchen and eating area were the brightest yellow ever. It was so yellow the camera had a hard time viewing it. I don't remember anything else about the kitchen because the walls took all my attention and turned me off so badly I didn't want to look at the rest of the house. Neutral colors such as browns, creams and grays are always safe. Hang a stunning piece of artwork on the wall or a centerpiece on the mantle to bring some color into the room. Paint one wall a color that is complementary to the neutral color to add some pizzazz. Make use of paint colors in a smart way. Some sellers may think paint is no big deal because the buyer can easily paint over it, it's not a major repair, however it takes time to do. When you move into a house you have to be able to live with the colors that are there until you have time to repaint,. If the colors are awful then it's going to take more time to sell. Keep in mind, as well, that you may sell your house to a single man or woman so try to be gender neutral in your colors. A pink bedroom will not appeal to a man. Actually, it may not appeal to many women either.

The master bedroom is the room I painted over the weekend. In my next post I will include pictures of it before and after I repainted it. In the meantime, leave a comment about the worst and best things you have seen when looking for houses.

Landlords, your tenants are allowed to steal from you

Renting your home to strangers (or friends) can be and usually is a nightmare.  We were against renting our home out because we have heard so many stories from friends and relatives about what their tenants did to them and their property.  It's common knowledge that the law is on the side of a tenant. What you might not know is that if you leave something at the house the tenant can steal it, pawn it or do whatever he likes with it.

So if we were against renting, why did we decide to do it? We were desperate to leave the town we were in because of some situations we had encountered there. As is the case with many people right now selling our house was not an option since we owed more than we could sell it for. My husband happened to hire a man to work in his department at the factory and he needed a place for himself, his wife and 5 kids to live.  We thought it was ideal because the guy would be working with my husband and therefore would likely pay the rent since my husband was his boss.  Well we thought wrong.  Within a few months the guy had quit and took a job elsewhere.  When he quit he made accusations about my husband that caused problems for him at work then he stopped paying rent.  He had not been very reliable with the rent payment when he was working for my husband but at least we were getting a little bit of money each week from him.

We started the eviction process right away. It took 3 months but they did move out. We expected damage to the house so we weren't surprised to find upon inspecting the house that the carpets were all damaged with stains, a ceiling fan blade was cracked off, the screens in the sun room were destroyed by their dog and a door was almost completely scratched through by their dog.  We also found that they had stolen my $300 miter saw and some other tools we had left behind. We left the saw because the tenant said he was sort of handy and we told him he could build a partition wall upstairs in the loft area if he wanted to so his kids could have more privacy (he used it as a bedroom).

Remember when I said the law is on the side of the tenant?  We went to court, paid the lawyer $600 to do a terrible job representing us and walked away with a judgment for the rent owed, the lawyer and court fees but no money for damages. The saw we discovered before the court hearing had been pawned and was still at the pawn shop.  The judge would not take into evidence the pawn shop slip showing that the tenant had pawned the saw. He said it was heresay.  The police would not take possession of the saw and give it back to us because there is no law forbidding a tenant from taking (and pawning or selling) any property left in the house.  Basically, you leave it there for them to 'use' and they can 'use' it however they choose, including using it to get money.  Landlords don't know this.

Of course we have not received any money from the former tenant and as we were in the process of getting his wages garnished he got fired from his job.  So, there's no point going to court and wasting your money, unless the lawyer is willing to forgo payment until judgment is final and then they can deal with getting the money from the tenant if the judge orders that the tenant owes for lawyer fees.  We lost money on the lawyer, we lost our saw, we had to spend several thousand dollars to replace all the carpets.  Do NOT rent.

We talked to a couple at the courthouse who were suing their tenants. They owned a couple properties and were dealing with problems with the tenants at both of them. My sister rented a couple properties out and had problems getting rent payments from them and getting them evicted is a several month process. We ended up screwing up our credit because there wasn't any rent money coming in so we had no money to pay the mortgage. Although we were able to get caught up, after moving back into the house, we are still paying for it with a bad credit rating.
Renting is not worth the headache and hassle. If you have to rent then I suggest, whether renting to stranger or friend, take before pictures, have the tenants sign something verifying the condition of the house at the time they took possession of it and if you leave anything at the house for them to use write in the lease that it is there for them to use while  living there, not to sell. The lease our tenants signed was one I pulled up online but it is suggested you have a lawyer draw up the lease. We didn't take before pictures and we didn't have the tenants sign a form re: the condition of the house because we didn't want them to think we didn't trust them.  Don't worry about your tenants feelings. If they are decent tenants they will understand that you have to protect yourself.

I hope you have learned from our mistakes and if you do decide to rent I hope it's a better experience than most.

"Be Careful What you Wish For"

The saying 'be careful what you wish for' is so true.  I wanted to so badly to move away from where Mark and I grew up (and am glad that we did and would not move back to that area) however moving to the USA I see now was a big mistake.  Sorry, American friends, don't take it personally.  I think the people are great, it's just the schools that I regret that my kids had to go to. It breaks my heart that my kids didn't get the experiences at school that I had growing up and that they would have had if we had stayed in Ontario. In Ontario they would have attended kindergarten to grade 8 with the same 50-60 students (at one school not changing schools twice) so they would have known everyone in their classes every year and had close friends. They would have had time before school, mid morning, after lunch and mid afternoon to go outside and get some fresh air and socialize.  The teachers, vice principal, and principal would have known their names and faces. Sports wouldn't have been the main focus and neither would Standard Test Scores. The immense size of the school population here, the lack of down time for the kids during the day, the focus on conforming, the lack of attention to bullying are a few of the things that were hard to deal with. If I was a kid I would not want to be going to school in the USA.

Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) Treatment

In September I underwent a dermatological procedure called Intense Pulsed Light therapy.  Specific wavelengths of light are at targeted at various chromophores in the skin.  A chromophore is the part of a molecule responsible for its color. The color comes about when a molecule absorbs certain wavelengths of visible light and reflects or transmits others. The treatment is done over the entire surface of the face if there are a lot of brown spots, which was the case for me.

Here is a picture of how my face looked before the treatment.

I am 41 and have had great skin all my life.  I have not been a sun worshiper. My mother and aunt also have dark spots so a large part of the issue is genetic.  On the day of the appointment I sat for 30 minutes with numbing cream on my face and then a specialist performed the IPL therapy, which took 15 minutes.  From what i had read on the internet I expected the sensation during the therapy to feel like an elastic snapping onto my face.  It felt to me more like splatters of hot oil.  Afterwards my face was on fire.  What helped tremendously was applying aloe gel all over my face then sitting where the ceiling fan could blow on my face.  The pain lasted about 2 hours. This is a picture taken as soon as I got home from the therapy.

The next day my face was a mess of brown spots and the day after that even more. After 4 days I was thinking I would be living with dark brown spots on my face but then around day 6 my face started looking clearer.

Day after therapy this is what I looked like. There is absolutely no pain, however not looking so pretty.

Two days after there is a little bit of improvement. 

4 days afterwards I'm starting to get excited about the results.

6 days afterwards I am very pleased with how my skin looks.

12 days.  These are the results that I am left with (or so I think) and I can't be happier.

Great results, right?  My skin is smooth, bright, young looking.  However less than a month later I started seeing brown spots popping up again. Obviously it's not as bad as it was to begin with and I did expect some spots to return since the dermatologist advised me that they would, however they should not have started appearing until at least 9-12 months from the treatment.  I returned to the dermatologist and was told that the spots were actually tumors called keratoses that go deep down into many many layers of my skin.  There is a different treatment for these. It targets the spots individually with an intense light just like IPL,  however it pulses rapidly about three times on the one spot.  The results for this treatment are supposed to last much much longer with this treatment. I wondered why the dermatologist didn't just do this treatment instead of the IPL. She said that the IPL gets rid of the sunspots and then if there are brown spots left behind then they know those aren't caused by the sun and they are then targeted with this other treatment.  I think I may just wait a year and do the treatment at that time because I expected to have an IPL treatment completed again at that time.  In the meantime I am using retinol creams (skin tightener, skin brightener) Neutrogena 30 spf sunscreen aging cream, a 27% vitamin C serum plus CC cream and foundation.  If you have had skin treatments, what have your results been? What products do you swear by?  

Nothing Worked for Dark Spots

It's been over a month since I started using the moisturizer Aveeno Positively Radiant.  I use morning and night.  It has not made my face positively radiant, it has positively done nothing to improve my uneven skin tone.  Another disappointment. I guess I will have to just accept my face as it is.  I am thankful that I do not have face blemishes that cannot be at least partially covered with makeup. There are worse things in life than a few dark spots on my face.  The Estee Lauder Camouflage makeup that I purchased for $36 doesn't do what people say it does either.  Sure, it will cover the discoloration if you want to put on several layers of it and look like you have skin made of brown flour.  You won't look like you have smooth flawless skin, you'll look like you have layered on a whole container of foundation to cover something up.

I've started working out again and I've heard that's good for your skin, hair and nails so perhaps I'll see some results.  Groupon had a deal posted for Jazzercise and I like to dance (when no one is watching) and I saw the Jazzercise place just around the corner from my house so I bought the deal. Yesterday morning I got my workout gear on and had to keep telling myself that I had to go, it was going to be a hard workout but I would survive and I had to go.  So, I got my lazy self there and I was right...it WAS hard, very hard.  I pleaded in my mind, at one point, for the instructor to please start the cool down but she continued to keep our heart rates up.  Oh dear Lord help me.  Finally the agony was over and I had survived.  The instructor and the woman who worked at the front desk were super nice and a mature woman who was working out introduced herself to me.  She was so sweet. She was my inspiration. I'll go back tomorrow for another session and hopefully in a couple weeks I won't feel like crying in the middle of the workout because I'm just not strong enough to keep going.  Can we please just march in place for a few minutes while I catch my breath?

You know how unfair it is that you work out and get yourself in decent shape and then you stop working out and overnight you fall out of shape again.  Working out is not something you can do for a few months to get yourself looking and feeling good.  It's something you have to keep doing for the rest of your life if you want to be in shape.  It takes time and pain and motivation but it has to be a change you are willing to make for the long run.  How many times have you or someone you know gotten into great shape or lost some weight and then a couple years later they are back to where they started.  It's like giving birth to a child, we forget the pain we endured to get in shape and lose the weight.  Slowly the weight packs back on and the muscle we built up goes away and we have to start all over again.  I vow today that I will not let that happen to me again.  I am going to get my butt in shape (literally) and I will not let it sag again!!  Who's with me?

Frankincense and Castor Oil Didn't Help Me

I'm on this frustrating road to fix the sun spots, age spots, whatever their called spots on my face.  I wasn't a sun worshiper, I used sunscreen, I rarely burned and I've never been to a tanning salon. Since I've been married, 15 years, I think there was one vacation where I sat out and tanned.  My husband loves to sit and bake in the sun, I prefer to find some shade and read a book without having the sun glaring in my eyes. So, that is why these spots on my face are ticking me off.  I think that it's also genetic since my mom and aunt have uneven skin tone. I should have started using spot correctors earlier then I would have possibly been able to prevent the spots from appearing.

I used the castor oil and frankincense oil mixture for almost two weeks and then I switched over to just using the frankincense on my spots. Despite the awful smell of the stuff they did nothing for my spots or the pigment above my lip.  I am quite sure that the darkness above my lip is due to the Nair I used in my early 20s.  I seriously think that it destroyed some skin cells while it was burning the hair of my face! It's like burning the skin on a chicken, you can't just make it go back to golden brown once it's gone to black.  It's skin damage and the only way to fix it permanently is to go to a dermatologist. My quick fix solution is to buy makeup to cover it up.  So far none of the make up I have purchased at the drug stores have covered it up so I'm going to Belk to buy Estee Lauder Double Wear Maximum Cover Camouflage Makeup.  (with a name that long it's got to be good!).  It has excellent reviews by people who are over 40 which makes the reviews more relevant to me.  I see these reviews of products that say a product work great, it made their skin look so wonderful..ya da ya da ya da.  these reviewers are in their 20's!  Tell me how good the product works when you get past 40 please.  When you're in your 20's everything works.

So, I'll let you know how the Estee Lauder Camouflage makeup works and if it doesn't then my last resort is to go the dermatologist route.

I did purchase one more product in one last ditch effort to find something to fix the damage. Jennifer Aniston advertises this product, Aveeno positively radiant moisturizer.  I don't have high hopes for it but I just can't seem to stop buying products.  I also purchased some products from The Body Shop that I've been using for at least a week. These products had great reviews.  People said they saw a difference in their skin almost immediately!  The one product is Vitamin C Skin Boost.  It is supposed to give you a silky smooth finish and it really does.  If your goal is to have skin that feels silky then this is a product for you, however I don't stroke my face all day and no one else does either. Essentially this product is a primer with vitamin C in it.  If you purchase a primer to put on under your makeup you'll get pretty much the same thing as this.  The other product is a Vitamin C Facial Radiance Powder.  It's a powder that you mix in with a serum and that mixture is what you put on your face. You use it for 10 days and within that time the results you should see are improved skin tone and texture.  The reviews were so phenomenal that I bought a few of these.  My results?  No difference in skin!  Zip, Zero, Nada!!! Perhaps it'll take longer to see a difference.  I'll keep you posted.

Keep your chin up (but wear sunscreen).

Small Town Living

I grew up in a small town in Ontario (Canada) and enjoyed it. I could walk to the store, although it was probably a 20 minute walk but it was safe and there were sidewalks. I could ride my bike without care or concern.  I played in the woods down the road from my house and in winter skated on a small patch of ice there, running home to get hot chocolate when my feet felt like ice blocks.  The school I attended wasn't overpopulated like the schools I see here in the USA. We had 2 grade 8 classes, so a total of maybe 60 kids in our graduating class. We all knew each other.  It was a great small town life. That's one of the reasons my husband and I chose a small town to raise our kids. He grew up in a small town too.

Being kids in a small town, not adults,  meant we didn't hear about the gossip that went around town or in church.  I'm sure it was there but we were too busy being kids to notice.  Now we're adults and our eyes were rudely opened when we moved to a small town down South.  We thought the South was supposed to about hospitality and friendliness.  Apparently not everyone got the memo.

When we moved here a neighbor brought over a fern to welcome us and I thought that was so nice, even though I just have to hold a plant and it will wilt in my hands because it knows it's going to die soon so it might as well kill itself before I have a chance to kill it.  Anyways, that friendship with those neighbors lasted a few months before we saw the claws come out on the grandma, the head of that household, and we steered clear of anything to do with her and her grand kids from that day forward.  It was a bit tense in the cul-de-sac for a while.

I won't go into the gory details but suffice it to say that rumors spread fast in a small town.  If something happens at school then the kids bring home the details, not usually accurately, and then the parents talk to their friends about it and the details get even more skewed. Then there are the police who have nothing better to do than stop kids for just walking around town or riding their skateboards.  Kids can't just be kids and hang out?  As soon as the police in town knew a kid's name they were sure to let other people they were in contact with know that kid's 'reputation' and let the parents know they should stay clear of them.  Do you know that a kid will do what you expect them to do? So if they figure you don't have any confidence in them to do right then they'll think there's no use in doing right because you expect them to do wrong anyways.  They will be as good as your expectations about them are.  This plays out in schools, at home, in society.
The principal, I think, found it fun to interrogate kids.  He should have gone into police work instead.  His philosophy, as far as I can tell, was that it's better to get them out of 'his' school than to have them there contaminating the hallways and classrooms with their 'bad selves'.  Whether getting them out meant juvenile detention or alternative school, either one would work for him. And don't expect him to keep things confidential. He would call parents and tell them that the friend their kid was choosing to hang out with was bad news and they should do something to stop the friendship. There was no attempt to help the troubled kids at school. There were too many kids to do that. It's just easier to get them out of that school.

So, in the end I've come to the conclusion that small town living isn't for me (not here anyways).  Perhaps things are different in the town we moved from in Canada.  Before we moved I didn't see anything like what I saw in the small town down here.  Kids could ride their bikes and walk around without being stopped by police, parents stood outside school waiting to pick their kids up after school and we talked, principals cared and had time for students. There weren't arrests and suspensions like I've seen here.  We've since moved out of that small town of drama and gossip and are living much more peacefully. Praise God.

Castor Oil and Frankincense

I'm on the fence about the Hydroquinone.  The fact that a country banned the use of it is a huge factor in whether I should use it for 30 days or not.  If we consider the fact that the food we consume probably has cancer causing agents in it why would using a beauty product with a 'potentially' harmful ingredient in it concern me.  If I researched everything that is in my meat alone I'm sure I would find something the animals were given to increase their desirability to producers that is harmful to me. I breathe toxic air from pollution every day.  So why worry about using a beauty product that has an ingredient in it that dermatologists prescribe to their customers?

There's a natural route I am going to try for the next 2 weeks.  The internet said that within 2 weeks of using this mixture I should see results.  The spots won't be gone but I should see something happening.  It's Frankincense (the essential oil not a cheap oil you find at a department store.  it's from Young Living but you can get it another brand at health stores I'm sure) mixed with castor oil.  Mix 10 drops of frankincense with 1 tablespoon of castor oil in a container that doesn't let in light and can be sealed air tight.  Put the mixture on your dark spots or if you have a cluster of spots then use it over that area.  You can use this on your body as well.  Do NOT get it near your eyes.  It is reported that you should see fading of spots in 2 weeks and up to 2 months to see them disappear.  I'm not expecting disappearing of spots but faded enough to cover with makeup would be great.

The picture above was taken last September before I started using a cream with alpha hydroxy in it.  The picture below is today.  It's worse.  If you notice there's at the top left that's reddish.  After using two products from Selma Hayek's line of products one of the brown spots turned into a red scab and this is what the final result of that is.  I'm going to try the castor oil / frankincense mixture and post picture in a couple weeks.  In the meantime I'll be posting comments about products I've used over the last couple years, obviously all a waste of money although my face is hydrated and there's sunscreen in the moisturizer.  

Until next time....be an inspiration to someone.  

Update: I mixed the castor oil and frankincense.  I put it in a tupperware container that seals airtight then wrapped the bottom and top with tin foil.  I hope that keeps the light out.  I put the first application on with q-tips. It feels greasy on my face, doesn't absorb as it said on the internet. I'll use my daily moisturizer and see if that helps get rid of the sticky greasy feel.  

I hit the 40 mark last June and feel like since then I've aged 5 years. Have you ever looked at pictures of yourself from days gone by and wondered what beauty flaws you had to complain about back then?  I know that I never appreciated my unblemished skin, my naturally curly hair, my full lips.  Dang I should have appreciated what I had in my 20's and 30's.  In 10 years from now will I look at pictures of myself from right now and say the same thing?  Yes, probably.  It's not like I'm getting any younger and I can say in 10 years that I look better than I did 10 years ago (unless of course I get plastic surgery and that's not on the wish list unless they come up with a more user friendly version of face lifts).

When I look in the mirror I see skin that used to be firm and flawless but is now dull and scattered with dark spots of different shades.  It seems like just a short time ago I was able to go out without wearing any makeup.  Where did the time go? It seriously feels like I just woke up one day and my face had changed. What next? I didn't even get time to adjust.  Aging just hit me without warning.

So, what can I do about it?  Well, ladies, if you're in the same boat as me you've probably been online or to the stores searching high and low for a miracle in a bottle.   Since we're all aging there has to be something out there to help us slow down the process without having to get laser treatments or having all the dead cells scraped off our faces.  I've tried many products and I'll share the names of the products in another post but for now I want to tell you about an ingredient I discovered in a product I just purchased but have not yet used.

The ingredient is HYDROQUINONE.   You may also see an impure form of hydroquinone found in the ingredients TOCOPHERAL ACETATE and other ingredients that start with the root TOCO.  It is used in products that reduce dark spots because of it's ability to decrease melanin production in the skin.  Products sold as non-prescription can have up to 2% of hydroquinone and prescription strength up to 4%.   This ingredient has been banned in Europe because of its side effects and the USA FDA has proposed banning it and labeling it as a carcinogen.  The Campaign of Safe Cosmetics website (safecosmetics.org) stated that it is one of the most toxic ingredients being used in cosmetics.  In lab tests on rats it has caused leukemia. Some people who used products with this ingredient long term (it doesn't say how long the term was) and in high dosages (it doesn't mention what  a large dose is) developed ochronosis, a bluish discoloring of the skin.  This was mainly found to occur in persons of color.  The ingredient has also been found to thin the skin, leaving irreversible stretch marks. One other thing I read was that it causes a degeneration of collagen and elasticity fibers.  Well that's great.  We won't have the age spots but we'll have saggy skin.  I can sort of cover up age spots but I can't pin up saggy skin.  Here is an article I found helpful
http://www.jernehbysheilamajid.com/hydroquinone-dangers.asp.  A differing viewpoint can be found on Paula's Choice website where she disagrees with the research findings (or rather puts them in a different light. http://www.paulaschoice.com/cosmetic-ingredient-dictionary/definition/hydroquinone.

Personally I would rather be safe than sorry.  I don't want to take the chance that in the future the researchers will discover more evidence linking beauty products with the ingredient hydroquinone in it to cancer. What is the alternative to products with hydroquinone? Is there anything that's just as good that isn't super expensive?  I'll do some searching and get back here to report tomorrow.  I can tell you that there are some natural remedies that may work.  Lemon juice (didn't work for me though), castor oil (I bought a bottle last month but only used for a short time, not long enough to see if it makes a difference), buttermilk, yogurt, aloe vera, sandlewood, horseradish, papaya, red currants, onion juice.  I'll read up on these , as well as frankincense and let you know what I find.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....and the only beholder we need to be concerned about is God.

Keep smiling because today is a blessed day.

And so the story goes...

I graduated from high school a semester ahead of most of my friends. I couldn't wait to get out of there.  Nothing really exciting happened in high school.  I wasn't a geek. Those girls who went to high school with me can correct me if I'm wrong, but if you were a friend of mine back then you better not say I was a geek because that puts you in that group right with me sweetie! I wasn't at all athletic (although I did tryout for soccer. During tryouts we had to jog around the track 13 times. If it wasn't 13 it sure as heck felt like 13 because I was needing CPR afterwards and that's what ended my dream of being a soccer star). I was one of the kids who very few will remember.  I didn't cause attention to be drawn to myself, not on purpose anyways.  One time I remember slipping on the ice going back to the main building from the portables (not port-a-potties. I think they call them trailers here in the USA but where I come from they are called portables).  I had on my lovely blue and gold quilt (not by choice, people!  It was a uniform. That's what they do to Catholic children, they give you rules and nasty fashion) with some sort of dress shoe that didn't have a grip (I would have worn running shoes but I looked so great in that blue and gold quilt, I didn't want to ruin the look with Nikes). Of course, I slipped on the ice in front of one of the good looking guys in school and of course the jerk didn't help me up.  Now, if I had slipped in front of a geek then you know he would have. If I could do over my high school years I would have been less afraid of what people think and gotten involved. Today, when I enter a building you know it because you can hear me a mile away. No need to comment on that, friends.  I'm making up for all the times I should have stood out in high school.


In January 1991 I finished my high school classes and in May I moved 3 hours away from home to attend the University of Guelph (Ontario). I didn't choose it for it's top notch education or awards they won in sports. I don't think they had sports. I never saw anyone playing sports on campus but I'm sure they must have.  I do remember that there was an indoor hockey rink on campus somewhere. When I tell you about my years in University you'll understand why I didn't know about what was going on around me on campus. (no drugs were involved)  Many of the students at U of G were AGGI's ... agriculture students/future farmers...and veterinarian students.  The University was known for those two programs.  I didn't attend hoping to be a farmer or to marry a farmer. I would have loved to be a veterinarian but science wasn't my forte so that program wasn't even a consideration.  Why did I pick the University of Guelph then? The campus and the buildings are beautiful.  There are old-fashioned brick buildings, trees lined red brick pathways and an arboretum.  The picture on the right is one of the dormitories, Johnson Hall. (taken from wikepedia.org). I didn't stay there, instead I stayed in a drab high rise apartment dormitory.  It wasn't anything to look at but it had a beautiful view and I didn't have to eat the cafeteria food.

I've heard the Universities in the US have some good eatin' but at the University of Guelph there wasn't Subway or Chic-fil-A. I really have no idea what they served because the only place I ate at on campus was at The Keg, a bar that had a little kitchen in the back where you could get counter service.  I worked in the kitchen for a year, cooking and yelling orders out when the bar was packed with drunk students. (good thing I have a voice that carries. See, it's good for something).  We had some good food ... eggs for breakfast, fresh deep fried nachos with cheese, fries we made ourselves by throwing huge bags of potatoes into a french fry cutting machine then deep frying them and serving them with chili and cheese, tuna melts, quiche. It was actually really good food.

University would have been a great time for me if I had not hooked up with a guy my second year there. I wish I could do it all over again, however I'm sure that going through that relationship helped me once I met Mark.  I knew exactly what I didn't want in a relationship.

I'll talk about that in my next post. Relationships that shouldn't last as long as they do, but the lessons we can learn from them (lessons I learned anyways).

I don't remember anything about the house I lived in from the time I was born until I was 3.  That house was in Chatham, Ontario, the city my dad grew up in, where his sister's family lived and where his mom lived.  When I was 5 we moved 30 minutes away to Tilbury, my mom's hometown where my meme (grandma) and pepe (grandpa), my mom's meme's, and mom's younger brother lived.  Dad was the assistant manager at the grocery store there for 2  years, then he was transferred to Kingsville, a small town 30-40 minutes away, to take the Manager position at a new store there.  

While we were living in Tilbury I met my husband.  I didn't actually know it then, of course, and neither did he.  The Drinkwaters, a British family who had just taken the boat (it was probably a plane but a boat sounds more exciting)over from England moved in next door to us on Crawford St.  Anne Drinkwater was the same age as my mom's older sister (same birthday even) and my mom helped her to feel less homesick being so far from home.  When my mom worked Anne would babysit me.  Their first Halloween in Canada we took the Drinkwater boys, Mark (9) and Steven (11), trick-or-treating since they don't do trick-or-treating in England. In England their Halloween is Nov 5 and they call it Guy Fawkes night. They have fireworks, set bonfires and burn effigies of Guy Fawkes. Sounds like a great kid friendly event. The Drinkwater's and my family took short trips together (see beach pic below) and the boys camped out in our living room once (I only know that because I have pictures).  In the picture below, from left to right : Anne, my sister, me on my mom's lap and Mark being goofy (I'm sure he brought that bathing suit from England. It doesn't look like anything I've seen a boy wear before.  It's a cross between a speedo and short shorts.)

Mark, who is now my husband, remembers having dinner at our picnic table in our backyard and he remembers the Halloween that he trick-or-treated with us. I wish I had memories of him from back then. All I can remember is that he was cute, like Beaver Cleaver, with chubby cheeks. In the picture above his cheeks aren't chubby so I'm not sure what I was thinking.  Maybe I was thinking of my own cheeks.

We moved to Kingsville when I was 7 and the Drinkwater's would visit us on occasion but as the years passed by the time between visits got longer.  I don't remember them visiting us at all but Mark remembers a New Years Eve get together at our house, probably the first year we were in the new house, and he had asked his parents on the way to our house if he had to kiss the Westman girls at midnight. (I don't hear him complaining about kissing me now.. LOL).  By the time I was in my early teens visits were mainly between my mom and Anne when my mom would visit my meme in Tilbury and afterwards she would go around the block and visit Anne. Before Mark and I started dating, the last time I can recall catching a glimpse of him (and that's all it was, a glimpse) was when I was with my mom visiting at Anne's house.  I was around 13 so that would have put Mark at 17.  He was in the living room watching tv and I couldn't see him well because Anne had this fabulous (not really) macrame door partition hanging between the kitchen and living room.  Mom, Anne and I sat in the dining room and Mark, being his typical social self  (not.. although who can blame him.  he's 17 and there's an awkward 13 yr old geek with braces visiting) didn't bother coming to say hi to the visitors. He left shortly after we arrived to go find something more entertaining to do (because the town of Tilbury with its 4000 people is a barrel full of fun!).

The next time I saw him  was at The RoadKill Cafe.  I was one week shy of 24 and he was almost 28.

As the dog barks her head off in the sun room, I'll try to ignore her and type.  This is when I wonder why I have 4 dogs.  I love them dearly but seriously why can't she understand that she needs to be quiet and lay down because I am busy.  It's nice outside.  GO LAY DOWN!!!!

O.k, she's settled down so I'll continue my little tale that I started yesterday.

My mom and dad met when they were seniors in high school and were married when mom was 18 and dad 19.  My sister arrived a few months later on Christmas Eve of 1969.  I arrived in June of 1972.  My parents were growing up too as they were raising us.  I'm sure it was difficult for them, as they struggled with raising two children on my dad's grocery store clerk wages.  They did without a lot of things.  It's so much different in this day and age when everyone expects to have it all.  They accepted that they weren't going to have it all and that's just the way it was.  
My dad started working as a grocery store bag boy when he was 18. He wanted to be a science teacher and he would have been an awesome teacher.  I know that because he has
 always been patient, understanding teacher to me.  He taught me how to drive a stick shift.  If you've ever learned to drive a stick shift then you know the frustration.  I was determined to learn in one session because I wanted to drive the car to see my boyfriend the next day.  At one point during our lesson I yelled, I cried, I got out of the car and slammed the door.  The car wouldn't do what I wanted it to.  I couldn't get the shifting and pushing the clutch and gas all coordinated I would think I was doing everything right then the car would jump and then stall.  I just couldn't get the hang of it and I was so frustrated. My dad might have been too (I know if I was the parent I would have been). But he didn't yell at me, he kept teaching me and I did learn that night.  His dream of being a teacher was derailed when my mom got pregnant and they then got married.  He never mentioned that he regretted having to give up his aspirations.  Who can go through the frustrations of raising kids and never mention in anger that you gave up so much for them?  My dad never did that.  He never made us feel like we were his second choice.  

My dad started out bagging groceries, then he worked in a factory and would cry at night because he hated it so much (I only know that because my mom told me when I was a teenager so that I would understand the sacrifice my dad made to provide for us), then he went back to working in a grocery store.  He worked his way up to assistant manager and then manager.   You've been at a grocery store the day before Christmas or even two days before and seen how busy it is.  He would never get holidays off.  He would come home on Christmas Eve after dealing with crazy busy days and then have to have the energy to be there for his family to celebrate the holiday.  He never slept in or complained.  He was (and still is) an amazing role model who has shown me what hard work is.  Some days I wish he hadn't taught me to be so responsible because it would be nice to call into work without feeling guilty that because I'm still breathing I should be at work not at home resting.  Thanks Dad, my employers appreciate how well you raised me.

Welcome to my blog.  I doubt there will be many followers of my blog but that's o.k. because I don't want to be followed.  I'm not special, I have had a pretty normal life.  I'm not really sure why people are interested in hearing what's going on in my little world, perhaps because when I relate events I am very dramatic, I make things sound more exciting than they really are.  Why?  I guess because I'm high-strung, I talk fast, I make fun of myself and most of all...I say what other people want to but don't.  I don't have a filter.  I'm an open book, what you see is what you get.  I have the belief that my life doesn't need to be kept a secret.  Perhaps something that I've gone through will help someone else going through the same thing.  If we don't talk about things we've dealt with then how can we be an example to others?  I wouldn't be surprised if that reasoning is illogical, my dad often told me when I was growing up that I wasn't thinking logically.  In my opinion, I probably just wasn't thinking.


Since this is my first post I'll start off with a little story about my life so far. I was born and raised in Ontario Canada, in a small town of 5,000 people.  The closest mall and movie theater were 40 minutes away, which made an occasional trip there an exciting event for my older sister and I.  My mom, sister and I would get up early on a Saturday morning so we could spend the day at the mall eating in the food court and browsing the stores.  We didn't buy much but just going there was fun, especially during Christmas.  I loved the sizzle of anticipation in the air as everyone searched for the perfect gift and as I went store to store with my mom pointing out (and begging) for things I wanted to find under our tree.  I remember a cardigan I wanted (which I now recall as being super ugly.  I can still picture it hanging up high on a wall peg. I was so worried that if my mom didn't get it that day then when she came back it would be gone).  I did find the cardigan under our tree that year.  Someone should have stopped me from wearing it in public!! But, alas, my older sister was in her own world of drama so she probably didn't notice her little sister leaving the house dressed in a get up that might have people mistaking her for a school teacher who likes to wear knit cardigans with embroidered apples, or pumpkins, or candy canes or whatever depicts the event they are celebrating. (sorry all you teachers out there.  It's perfectly o.k for you to wear those sweaters because I know you do it for the kids... you do it for the kids right?)


Since we didn't go to the movies very often, because of the distance and also the expense, it was thrilling when VHS players were made.  We were like kids in a candy store at the local video store where my sister worked.  Obviously there wasn't much to do in a small town.  We had no fast food restaurants, no Walmart or Target, and nowhere decent to shop for clothes.  Now that I think about it, why did I not die of boredom?  What did I do all day in the summer and on weekends? I guess when there's nothing to entertain you, you just entertain yourself.  


I remember riding my bike with my little dog in the front basket, playing on the swing in our backyard (for so long that I often fell asleep on it.  Once I put my dog on my lap while swinging, then she threw up. Sorry, Bridget).  My dad and mom would play catch with me and on weekends my friends and I would sleep at each other's houses.  My mom took me to the little library in town once a week.  It was a two storey brick building with wide concrete stairs going up to the glass front doors.  There was a side door that opened up to a tiny landing that had stairs to the right leading up and stairs straight ahead leading to the young kid's area downstairs.  It was a cozy library and I loved going there to pick out my next adventure.  I ended up working there when I was in high school with the same librarians who helped me as a child, arms loaded down with books that I was so eager to get home and inhale.  Who knew that years and years (and years) later I would work in a library again.  Just goes to show you that you never know what life is preparing you for.  There is meaning in your life, if you don't see it now you'll see it someday.  


That's enough chitter chatter for today.  Next time I'll tell you what my young parents did for a living to keep us fed and clothed, what my sister and I had (or did not have) in common and why I gave my sister a lot of my halloween candy.